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10 Steps To Being a Mediocre Writer

A roadmap for those writers in search of their own literary Podunk.

Thumb your nose at the Classics“Hemingway was a hack and Tolstoy was long-winded. Besides, half those guys would never be published today.”

Eliminate the phrase “good writing” from your vocabulary “Who’s to say what ‘good writing’ is? It’s all relative to the reader.”

Emphasize personal taste and subjectivity“I think ‘Twilight’ is the best book ever written. Now what?”

Downplay craft“It’s the story! Technique is ‘subjective’ (see above). I mean, people panned The Shack and it sold millions.”

Avoid professional critique“I’m writing for readers, not a bunch of literary snoots in ivory towers. Besides, Mum says she loves my book!”

DO NOT befriend extraordinary writers “Hey, I hang out with other writers… mainly those who never challenge me and consider me an expert.”

Justify being impatient“The publishing biz is WAY too slow. And Books-In-A-Minute really likes me!”

Victimize yourself “The writing world is tough and competitive. I don’t have a lot of time and resources, and I’m often misunderstood. So I’ll just plug along, doing the best I can with the unfair hand I’ve been dealt.”

Stand on principle “I write for God and no one else. I’ll NEVER sell out to the system. If only one person reads my book and gets something out of it, I’ve succeeded!”

Read crap

{ 26 comments… add one }
  • Patrick Todoroff October 6, 2011, 7:19 AM

    Bang! Yes, indeedy.

    Trouble is I’ve spied varying amounts of those lines of reason in myself, and I constantly need to drag them into the light, resolutely armed with wooden stake and mallet.

    Thanks for the concise summary.

  • Carradee October 6, 2011, 7:26 AM

    *laughs* In other words, be immature, ignorant, and impatient. ^_^

  • JoLynne Lyon October 6, 2011, 7:28 AM

    I agree with most of these, but I do think a writer should have readers in mind. So much of the stuff that appeals to “snoots in ivory towers” is depressing, hopeless and inaccessible. I hope there’s another kind of beauty out there.

  • Katherine Coble October 6, 2011, 7:42 AM

    Heh. You have described more than one writer I know.

    I do agree with JoLynne, though. A lot of what the “snoots in Ivory Towers” like makes me want to slit my wrists. (_The Lonely Polygamist_ anyone?) Still and all, though, professional critique rocks.

    • Tim George October 6, 2011, 9:35 AM

      Agreed and probably a point not well made on my part in recent discussions. I think there should be a distinction made between professional critics and professional critiques. I want and have paid for professionals to critique my work. I am best served by professional writers experienced in my genre. Two have both bruised me and served me well.

      Professional critics, however, tend to live in their own insular bubbles just as do pulp fiction writers who only read and write cheap vampire novels. This is where the subjectivity (BOO, HISS) part comes in. One of my college professors was a Faulkner fan. He also was a professional literary critic (wrote reviews for several large papers). If it wasn’t stream of conscience and bloated with gaseous verbiage, he considered a novel to be poorly crafted and socially irresponsible. From his ivory tower he hurled ridicule at all that considered Hemingway good writing. It’s taken me 30 years to become brave or stupid enough again to open Absalom, Absalom.

  • Jill October 6, 2011, 8:09 AM

    8) Oh, my. I’m sure I play the victim game far more than I should. I mean, really, I AM misunderstood. 😉 But usually I lay the blame on myself rather than on others–“I’m just too stupid to do this!!”

    6) Oh, for heaven’s sake, how does a novice writer befriend excellent writers, anyway? Occasionally, I’m audacious enough to send an e-mail to one, but other than that, I’m not sure that’s really in my power.

    • Mike Duran October 6, 2011, 9:59 AM

      Jill, it’s pretty amazing how accessible published authors and industry professionals are nowadays. Heck, just attending a writer’s conference can afford a novice with many opportunities for contact with published authors. Not to mention blogs, Twitter, and Facebook.

      • Jill October 6, 2011, 12:52 PM

        Conferences aside, following people on twitter does not a friendship make. I agree people are more accessible than they used to be, but are they any more friendly?

      • Kevin Lucia October 6, 2011, 3:51 PM

        Of all the folks I’ve met at Cons : from midlist writers to New York Times Bestsellers – they’ve all be extremely gracious, helpful, willing to lend a hand or give advice. They can get expensive, and you have to find balance, but attending Cons of some is an absolute must. That, and writing schools where industry professionals themselves teach.

    • Merrie Destefano October 7, 2011, 5:01 PM

      Jill, One thing I think is really important–and a step many beginning writers try to bypass–is to make friends with other writers at the same point in the journey. You don’t always have to hook up with the published writers. Getting published is a journey that takes years, and the really surprising thing is, those beginning/intermediate writers you befriend will probably end up getting published around the same time you do. I see this happen often. Clusters of debut authors get published and are all friends and they all support one another. They frequently end up staying friends for life. The writing community is really quite beautiful and supportive.

      • Jill October 8, 2011, 12:05 PM

        Oh, for heaven’s sake, people. I said hooking up with excellent writers wasn’t that easy, not that I personally eschew friendships with other writers. As somebody who has been attending conferences, classes, and critique groups for twenty years, I recognize the necessity for a variety of levels in any given group situation. But that doesn’t mean excellent writers are any more accessible. So I fail to see your point, as it wasn’t addressing mine.

        • Kevin Lucia October 9, 2011, 5:44 AM

          Apologies. Was meant as a general comment on how friendly writers can be when approached normally, and that’s all. Didn’t mean to offend.

  • Jill October 6, 2011, 8:09 AM

    um, why did my number 8 turn into an emoticon?

  • Nikole Hahn October 6, 2011, 8:10 AM

    Sadly, I’ve met some of these. I think the core of some of it is fear–fear of being rejection, fear of dreams failing, fear….not a good companion for a writer.

  • Lyndie Blevins October 6, 2011, 9:42 AM

    Great Post – Thanks for the reminders

  • John Robinson October 6, 2011, 10:19 AM

    Agree with all the above, Mike.

    And FYI, I’m stealing “snoots.” Just sayin’. *G*

  • Kat Heckenbach October 6, 2011, 11:02 AM

    There are of course flip sides to a couple of those. Like number one–instead of thumbing your nose at classics, you constantly insist that because fifty years ago passive voice was acceptable and even encouraged you should be allowed to write 80-word, round-about sentences today. Or numbers two through four–become a craft nazi who sticks to the rules so hard you suck every ounce of individuality out of your writing. My point is not to disagree with you, but to point out that it’s the attitude of the extreme and the act of being closed-minded that are the core issues there, both ways.

    I absolutely, 100% agree with finding writers who are BETTER to partner up with. I had the fortune of meeting a professional magazine editor at a writers meeting a few years ago who offered to critique a short personal experience story of mine. It was the best thing that ever happened to me. It showed me what a REAL critique is like and how beneficial learning from a pro truly is. That story, btw, has sold seven times :).

    Good list, Mike :).

  • Jeanne K. October 6, 2011, 12:12 PM

    Loved this summary… thanks for posting it! I’m tempted to save the link to post as a comment on some new-writer blogs, but I’m afraid you can’t tell them anything, really.

  • Manahania October 6, 2011, 12:18 PM

    Did you have Ernest and Leo switched in popular opinion?

  • Alan O October 9, 2011, 6:56 AM

    Good list, Mike. Someday I’d love to see you do a series explaining, specifically, your philosophy on “Good Writing,” “Good Craft,” etc. What are the non-negotiable elements in your world? By what criteria do you judge the things you read? I’ve seen bits & pieces of this in several posts, and I know you feel strongly about the “subjectivity” issue, but don’t recall (in the time I’ve been around) an in-depth treatment.

    #11…. Refuse to Revise. And revise. And revise… Don’t be open to other possibilities. Believe that your first draft was given to you by God, just as the 10 Commandments were: in stone. Don’t waste time and energy reconsidering those words that “practically wrote themselves.” Allow your sentences to take on what Annie Dillard called “the ring of the inevitable.”
    Tolstoy required 8 or 9 drafts to create”War & Peace,” but you’re more naturally talented…

  • dgh June 29, 2013, 8:42 PM

    Wow don’t we take ourselves seriously. There has always been a lot of mediocre writing, Jane Austin comes to mind. That doesn’t mean people shouldn’t write but they shouldn’t take themselves too seriously. Writing is after all Entertainment this idea that every writer should be great is silly. Tell a good story let the rest take care of itself.

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