It’s refreshing to find a twenty-something Christian who is not only staying in Church, but is encouraging other twenty-somethings to do the same. In his 
forthcoming book Called to Stay (releasing Oct. 2013 from Harvest House), Caleb Jennings Breakey does just that.
Subtitled “An Uncompromising Mission to Save Your Church,” Caleb tackles the troublesome exodus of Millenials from organized religion, issuing a direct challenge: Rather than split, stay and BE the change you want. The book is garnering some great attention. Josh McDowell has endorsed Called to Stay and YouTube sensation Jefferson Bethke, creator of the 25 million views video Jesus>Religion, is writing the forward.
Along with answering a few of my questions about his book, Caleb is offering a unique opportunity for readers to join the conversation and help him “flesh out” his thesis. Just leave a comment, ask a question, or issue a challenge on this post. The most helpful, insightful, provocative comments or questions will not only be included in Called to Stay, but the commenters who are chosen will get a free copy of the book plus the DVD Series! This is a great chance for you to chime in, interrogate, or just vent about the Church.
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MIKE: Thanks for joining us, Caleb! Your book Called To Stay releases this October from Harvest House. What prompted you to write this book?
CALEB: Called To Stay has kind of been a living journal. God didn’t stir me to write about the church. Instead, he nudged me to stay in a church I’d grown bitter toward. It was only after the tears, stomach churns, and wounded pride that I could look over my shoulder and say: “I get it now. Thank you, Jesus. Let’s do this. Let’s write it down.”
MIKE: I may be wrong, but the typical Millennial probably wouldn’t respond like that. They would just leave. From your experience, what is the most common reason that Millennials give for leaving the Church? And does this reason have any validity?
CALEB: Can I play a nuance card here? Called To Stay isn’t for every 
Millennial leaving the church. It’s for Millennials whose passion for Christ drives them to leave. There’s a big difference between the two. The former leave because the way of the world just seems like a better way to spend their time. The latter leave because the time they spend in church seems pointless in a broken world that Jesus is calling us to redeem.
The second reason has validity. But most hold this validity overhead while trampling underfoot God’s commands of: 1) meeting together in a way that doesn’t exclude the messy and immature; 2) structure and leadership; and 3) Christ’s great mandate to forgive our debtors and to sacrificially love one another—including the Christian jerk who’s yet to give his life to the true way of Jesus.
MIKE: So can Christians follow Jesus and still leave the Church? I mean, is it possible to be a disciple of Christ and be disconnected from His Body?
CALEB: God gives us all kinds of assignments. And while we are never commanded to stop meeting together, discipling each other, or extending sacrificial love to one another, we can be given assignments that remove us from them. If you are one of these believers, the most important thing is to discern whether or not you’re hearing from the Holy Spirit—or simply what you want to hear.
MIKE: I recently finished reading Bradley Wright’s Christians Are Hate-Filled Hypocrites… and Other Lies You’ve Been Told. Wright is Associate Professor of Sociology and UConn. The assertion of his book is pretty simple: The numbers purported to tout the decline of evangelicalism are being wrongly used by liberals and secularists who want to see evangelicalism go away, and by evangelicals wanting to whip up their troops. Wright goes on to cite stats that seem to suggest Millennials are NOT leaving the Church in the numbers often suggested. Youth have always left the Church and tend to return as they have families and get older. What do you think of Wright’s assertion? Is it possible the numbers are being skewed by one group or another to serve their purposes? On what grounds do you think Millennial defection is a legitimate issue that churches must face?
CALEB: I think many numbers are skewed. The road from survey to truth is more of a maze with multiple exits than a freeway with one off-ramp. That’s why I mostly avoided the use of statistics in Called To Stay. I admire the work that Bradley Wright and others like him do. It’s valuable to society and I don’t mean to demean that value at all. I simply decided to invest more in what Scripture says about staying in messy gatherings of believers than how many are leaving or returning.
Should churches be concerned over the juicy headlines about declining church attendance? Sort of. I think churches should mostly concern themselves with making disciples who speak the truth in love to one another, embrace God’s plan for structure and leadership, and who long to build Christ’s church through their church.
MIKE: Your book is intended to bridge the divide between the Church and Millennial “leavers.” As a Millennial yourself, where do you think the “healing” starts? What percentage of “blame” falls on the Church and on Millennials, and who should make the first move to bridge the divide?
CALEB: One hundred percent of the blame falls on the body, and the other one hundred percent falls on the Millennials. The fact is that blame is sin—and no matter who’s got more of it on our faces, we all need a shower of grace. We are all responsible for loving the sin-slingers and forgiving them. Daily.
As for who must bridge the divide? That person is you. It’s the brother or sister who’s reading this. We’re in this together, and we must never, ever belittle the ginormous influence each of us has. A spark blown upon by God’s Holy Spirit is a spark that burns.
MIKE: You raised $10,000 through Kickstarter to fund this project. That must have been incredibly encouraging. Tell me about the initial responses you’re getting to the book. Will you be doing any sort of tour in conjunction with its release?
CALEB: The response has blown me away. Men and women of God are rallying. They’re making sacrifices. They’re going out on limbs. They’re saying things and doing things that they haven’t said or done before. The body is moving—and it’s an awesome sight.
My wife and I plan to hit the road for six weeks this fall, hitting up as many churches and major conferences as we can to get Called To Stay in front of those who may not stumble across it in a bookstore. If you see a motor home with books falling out of the windows, wave. Flag us down. We’re probably lost—and dinner is on us.
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Much appreciation to Caleb for visiting. And remember, you can become a part of the Called To Stay dialogue by chiming in with questions or concerns in the comment section here.
So how does someone know if they’re “called to stay” as opposed to “called to leave” a church? Sometimes God could call a person to leave a church, don’t you think? Why stick around if your not supposed to be there?
Hey Jim! You’re so right. God does call people to leave churches. I like how Joshua Harris puts it: “We are called to be committed to the church. But sometimes that commitment involves leaving an unbiblical church.”
I actually dive into this question in the second-to-last chapter, “When To Leave.” I think the two most important things to think about when you’re feeling called to leave are: 1) To discern whether or not your nudge is from the Holy Spirit; and 2) To leave well, because many don’t.
A lot of believers feel called to leave, which may very well be the case. But then several of them stop going to church altogether, or begin badmouthing the church, or other things that are not the way of Jesus.
God bless you, brother!
My husband and I can’t wait to read your book! If you’re ever in Kansas (lost or not), we’ll buy dinner 🙂
Thank you, Morgan—that’s so encouraging! We’ll have to aim to drive through Kansas! That would be such a blast. =D
This sounds like an encouraging book. I guess I’m a pre-millennial (31), AHAHAHAAHH! Sorry. It was funny to me. But I like that you seemed to lean on scripture. It seems there’s a growing part of the church that are attempting reengineer christianity (not to say there aren’t major things needing correction) into something more culturally paletable. But in going back to scripture, you seem to suggest not that the answer is not in our culture but in our roots.
It makes me think about expanding the bookrack in my restaurant window to include space for your book!
Haha, thanks bro! Big encouragement man. Thank you so much. Bookrack or not, I’ll for sure have to send a copy your way. BUT you’ll have to personally cook up some mean grub when my wife and I visit your restaurant! =D
Peace brother!
Caleb,
I’m curious on what you mean by #2 of God’s commands, the structure and leadership. The reason I’m asking is that I’m seeing a lot of talk and re-emphasis on the Body of Christ really being the body. Speaking in generalities, there has been a lot of churches and ministries that focused on the few “special” people called to ministry. The rest of the people were there to support the leader’s vision.
I’m also seeing a lot of talk about organic or simple church, missional communities, and taking the church out into the world more. For instance, we meet in a park during the summer and in a nearby counseling center in the cold weather. So, I guess I’m wondering how different expressions of the church meet into your second point.
I enjoyed the interview and admire your passion. God’s blessings to you in this exciting season!
Hey Jason! I totally hear you brother. From what I see in Scripture, wherever the body of Christ meets is called church, and it can be anywhere (I LOVE that your church is moving into the world, and think more of the same is needed).
The other thing I see in Scripture are clear commands for structure and leadership (which are usually, but not always, lacking in alternative churches). God makes it clear that churches are to have pastors, elders, and deacons who he wants us to respect, submit to, and show confidence in. Is that the easiest thing to do? No. As you’ve pointed out, some people in ministry get too caught up in the wrong things.
My take on it is to 1) Cut enormous slack to leaders, who sometimes are so swamped that they have to appoint others to take care of the physical needs of the church (Acts 6); and 2) Start a ministry that takes your church (i.e. you and others with the same heart) into the world whether or not it’s an official “ministry” of the church.
When it comes down to it, we all serve an Audience of One. Is it lame when churches focus on just “the special”? Yeah. But does that mean guys like you and me can’t stay and, whether anyone notices or not, do the work of God in our communities? I say let the church leaders lead as they’re led. They don’t do what they do maliciously, and their decisions are theirs to own. You and I—and our individual ministries/callings/giftings—are still hands and feet of our churches whether or not anyone notices.
We will not answer to God as a collective whole, but as individuals. This means that it doesn’t matter how healthy or sick the body of Christ is at the end of our days. It matters what each of us has done to make her healthier or sicker. Personally, I think a ministry like yours would make a HUGE impact on sedated Christians in many churches. People may not flock to join you, but you can bet the Spirit will be stirring in many.
Grace and peace to you, Jason. I am so privileged to have shared a meal with you!
Hi Caleb. Really good to read your thoughts. I like what you are grappling with — Order doesn’t have to squelch passion and zeal.
Are you familiar with the Belgic Confession (specifically Articles 27-29)? It’s a really practical summation. 29 is especially poignant for those wondering if they should leave a particular church.
When you talk about leadership (in the same breath as “structure”), how much are you dealing with the issue of authority? I know for me, I’m often willing to be under authority, but it’s not always cool, even in faithful circles, to talk about the authority of Christ being in the church. Perhaps this is because we are so keen about our own sinfulness or the sin in others, we have a hard time grasping how Christ could tell sinful disciples “whatever you bind on earth shall be bound in heaven…”
*waves* I’m a Millennial, myself.
It’s actually nice to hear a Millennial I don’t already know talking like this. ^_^ I’m a single woman, still living in my father’s household, and we switched churches about a year ago. It was a civil switch, a transfer of membership from one Presbyterian church to another that needed members—and as a nice side effect, we do believe the new church is far more biblical, and not only because the pastor’s an old friend of my dad’s. *grin*
There are civil ways to leave a church, particularly when you’re in a denomination like Presbyterianism that has provisions for transfer of membership.
Note: When we transferred churches, my younger brother (who lives on his own) stayed at the old one—because, as he put it, “My mommy’s gone to the other church” wasn’t a legitimate reason to transfer membership.
The old church isn’t entirely unbiblical. It’s just flawed, like all churches are.
Remembering that we ourselves are flawed helps cope with that. ^_^
Why should the church be saved at all? If its really an institution designed by God then he should be responsible to save it. the decline in membership is evidence that the church is no longer relevant. Issues like gay marriage so out of touch it is. So why should any effort be made to save it at all! If Christians don’t get there acts together the church will die, like it should.
The Church is and always has been at the edge of destruction. Right after Pentecost, Stan tried stamping it out with force. Each of the epistles seem to be written to a church about to die. And yet, when the Church is revealed in Revelation, she is a bride, beautifully dressed to meet Christ.
The Bride’s only duty is to listen to her loving husband, Christ. Who cares what the world thinks — if she’s dirty, disheveled, nearly destroyed. In Jesus’s eyes she is the most beautiful thing in the world. Why would we care what anyone else thinks?
I have not left church, and I’m not a millennial. However, I grow weary of upholding the structure of pastor and building. I have four children and not much left for anything after paying for my own house and groceries, including other basic necessities. A year ago, my family’s church attendance flagged and, consequently, so did our giving to the church. Because of that, I was able to help a family member who was about to be on the streets. It made me seriously question my purpose in giving to a church that is struggling financially, just as I am. How much sacrifice is enough? How many people should I refuse to help so my church can pay the rent and pay a pastor? I know I don’t have a clue what poverty is really about, but I also know that poorness is relative to the economy. And I wonder if plain living is what the church wants for its people. Is that why we should all stay–or, for some us, return? So we can uphold the structure?
Speaking as a pastor in a poor church — I value when others give to help the church. Our entire budget is basically my pay (and I’m on the border of being under the poverty line) and upkeep on the building. We have some basic money for outreach, but most of what we do is word-of-mouth invitations and simply being Christ in our neighborhood.
I know of churches that have chosen to skip getting a building, and instead fund more full-time workers to support those who already know Christ and reach those who don’t know Jesus.
Paul makes a point in Corinthians (and other places!) that a worker is worth his wages — don’t muzzle the ox while treading grain! A full-time worker for the church ought to be supported by the congregation in question if at all possible.
But there’s nothing about supporting buildings — that’s up to the congregation in question, if they choose to take that form.
Something to remember, too: Paul says to give in proportion to what you have. We have different seasons of life. We can’t always give to the church the way we might want to. That’s ok. People apologize to me for not giving more, and I always try to comfort them. We have a greater responsibility to the families God has placed us in — we have a special responsibility there. We each have different seasons in life, and it’s important to recognize that.
I don’t think pastors should have to live in poverty, yet I also wonder if they should have second jobs or trades (as Paul did), which would ease the burden from the congregation. Yes, I know that would cause problems for their families, which would not ease the burden off part of the body of Christ (the pastor and his family are included). Paul didn’t have a wife and kids. On the other hand, in most churches I’ve attended, the pastors made about double my family’s income. And that can cause a sinful kind of bitterness to take root in poorer members.
Take my annoyances with a grain of salt. Churches, just like any other worldly institutions, are prone to creating class systems. At some point, I realized I had been trained by these institutions (mainly churches and schools) to be second class. Now I realize it was a lie, but believing it and being treated as such makes people even more bitter. That’s why James had to talk about it. Nobody in Christ’s kingdom should be considered second class. These days, I actually live in a house that’s big enough for my family, and the house makes me feel sort of rich. When we lived in a 30-yr-old single wide, we were better able to give to the church, though. So my ultimate question is the same: do I deserve this house? Is plainer living required to uphold the structure?
Notice that Paul says he gave up his “rights” so he didn’t burden anyone — a clergyman might choose to give up the right of being supported by the church, but that’s on him, not the church to decide that. Even in my small congregation, I labor at least sixty hours a week. If I were to get a part-time job, I can guarantee I would not be able to spend any time with my family. I’ve been called to them, too!
The guideline I’ve often heard is that a pastor’s income should be in-line with the average congregation member — he shouldn’t be the poorest nor the richest.
As far as your situation: How can you use the gifts God’s given you to praise him best? It isn’t wrong to have a home to support your family! Taking care of your family also brings glory to God! Are you being selfish in your home selection? I can’t make that determination. So often the Christian is faced not with right and wrong decisions, but right and right. It is right and good to support your family. It is right and good to support your congregation. Neither is wrong, assuming you’re not choosing one over the other for selfish reasons! (And I don’t hear selfishness in your reasoning here!)
I’m reminded of Saul in 1 Samuel 15. He had a passion for God, and planned to take the best of a defeated army’s livestock to sacrifice to God as an offering. But this was not part of his command, and Samuel was furious:
“But Samuel replied, “What is more pleasing to the LORD: your burnt offerings and sacrifices or your obedience to his voice? Listen! Obedience is better than sacrifice, and submission is better than offering the fat of rams.”
This verse has been abused a lot. It doesn’t mean “shut up and do or take this.” But I think the Millenials you mention need to take a look at their passion, and see if it trumps obedience to basic things. We are commanded to gather together in His name, because where a few of us are, He is. If we can’t be obedient to basic things, we shouldn’t try to do advanced ones; we’re trying to sacrifice when we should obey. It is a hard lesson to learn:
“If you are faithful in little things, you will be faithful in large ones. But if you are dishonest in little things, you won’t be honest with greater responsibilities.” Luke 16: 10.
This hits Gen Xers like me too. We’ve all been raised to believe we can change the world. But if we can’t even attend church reliably, can we really induce lasting change?
Awesome phrasing! 🙂 I’m about to do a visit to a number of millenials who have stopped attending any kind of worship services. — I’m going to have to remember your points.
This is very heartening and refreshing. It’s easy to forget that there’s only one Body of Christ, though with many different parts and organs. A discouraged member can’t just disconnect and hope things will get better and one day they’ll plug back in.
I heartily endorse the goatee, by the way.
Thank you for these kind words, Mark. Really blessed me, brother. Goatee? That’s not what my brothers call it … =)
This is the first I’ve heard of your book. You present some very interesting points, but before I comment on them I would like to read your book. Where can I get a copy? I left church when I was in my 20″s and did not get back for a long time. When I finally did it was a very rewarding experience for me, but circumstances came up and I had to move away from my church and now am struggling not so much of getting back to church but what church to choose. But I know that The Holy Spirit will lead me once again. God Bless you
Thank you so much, Theresa. It’s so encouraging to hear your story, and how the Spirit is moving in you. I love it.
The book comes out Oct. 1 and is published through Harvest House. At that time, you should be able to get it anywhere you normally buy books.
Grace and Peace, sister!
Caleb Breakey on Staying in Church, His Upcoming Book, and a Chance for You to Join the Conversation
I think the one thing we need to remember is that WE are the church. So, to leave a building is not leaving the church. To forsake gathering with other believers in whatever manner of gathering is where we can get off in our walk. Personally, after being a church member for 35 years, and having many ministries within the structure, it wasn’t until I was called out that I came face to face in the spirit with a very real Jesus and fell in love all over again. I am called to marketplace ministry and we have opened out home for various gatherings of believers every week. My husband was a pastor for 9 years and now uses his gift with those Jesus brings our way. We are actually in transition now waiting on God for the our next step. I look forward to reading your book, for though I haven’t heard the title of “Millenials” before, it looks like I might be one. Blessings