Comments on: Stand By Your Man… Or Not http://mikeduran.com/?p=5928 Faith. Culture. Composition. Thu, 09 Sep 2010 03:52:08 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.0.1 By: Frank Spinella http://mikeduran.com/?p=5928&cpage=1#comment-70062 Frank Spinella Sat, 13 Feb 2010 17:03:17 +0000 http://mikeduran.com/?p=5928#comment-70062 I doubt there is a "Christian" answer to the "stay or go" question in the face of marital infidelity. There is only a "personal" answer, and one's Christianity may or may not inform that personal decision (if it does, it may inform the decision differently for two different Christians). But looking to the New Testament for a definitive answer is futile. Some Christians automatically assume, or have been taught, that "the answer has to be in there somewhere." No, it doesn't. No gospel or epistle instructs a scorned wife to stay if hubby is repentant and leave if he's not (how could she be sure of his sincerity anyway?!) -- nor to apply any other criteria to one's decision. It stays a personal one, informed by a host of circumstances on which the NT gives limited or no instruction. I doubt there is a "Christian" answer to the "stay or go" question in the face of marital infidelity. There is only a "personal" answer, and one's Christianity may or may not inform that personal decision (if it does, it may inform the decision differently for two different Christians). But looking to the New Testament for a definitive answer is futile. Some Christians automatically assume, or have been taught, that "the answer has to be in there somewhere." No, it doesn't. No gospel or epistle instructs a scorned wife to stay if hubby is repentant and leave if he's not (how could she be sure of his sincerity anyway?!) — nor to apply any other criteria to one's decision. It stays a personal one, informed by a host of circumstances on which the NT gives limited or no instruction.

]]> By: Mike Duran http://mikeduran.com/?p=5928&cpage=1#comment-70055 Mike Duran Wed, 10 Feb 2010 13:51:42 +0000 http://mikeduran.com/?p=5928#comment-70055 Well, Angie... there's still a lot of grays. From what's being reported, and from the interviews I've watched, both men appear to be "sorry" for what they did (or got caught doing). While I agree with you about Sanford, Ted Haggard's "repentance" seems just as fishy. Remember, he prematurely quit a "restoration program" that was one of the conditions of his New Life severance package and has started a "prayer group" in Colorado Springs which he promised not do. Then there's his "new" views on sexuality, claiming to be “a heterosexual with issues.” I'm not saying all this to pile on, but just to note that there's more to it than just saying "I repent." Either way, it appears both women have biblical grounds for divorce. All I'm saying, in juxtaposing their decisions, is that the answers aren't as cut-and-dried as some Christians would like. I applaud Gayle Haggard for staying with her husband. But does his "repentance" require her to do so? I don't think so. Thanks for your comments, Angie! Well, Angie… there's still a lot of grays. From what's being reported, and from the interviews I've watched, both men appear to be "sorry" for what they did (or got caught doing). While I agree with you about Sanford, Ted Haggard's "repentance" seems just as fishy. Remember, he prematurely quit a "restoration program" that was one of the conditions of his New Life severance package and has started a "prayer group" in Colorado Springs which he promised not do. Then there's his "new" views on sexuality, claiming to be “a heterosexual with issues.” I'm not saying all this to pile on, but just to note that there's more to it than just saying "I repent."

Either way, it appears both women have biblical grounds for divorce. All I'm saying, in juxtaposing their decisions, is that the answers aren't as cut-and-dried as some Christians would like. I applaud Gayle Haggard for staying with her husband. But does his "repentance" require her to do so? I don't think so.

Thanks for your comments, Angie!

]]> By: Angela Hunt http://mikeduran.com/?p=5928&cpage=1#comment-70054 Angela Hunt Wed, 10 Feb 2010 13:14:10 +0000 http://mikeduran.com/?p=5928#comment-70054 If and when you read Gayle's book, you'll realize that the key difference in these situations lies within the husbands. Ted repented; Sanford clung to his "soul mate" who was not his wife. In the face of repentance, are we not commanded to forgive, as we have been forgiven? Angela Hunt If and when you read Gayle's book, you'll realize that the key difference in these situations lies within the husbands. Ted repented; Sanford clung to his "soul mate" who was not his wife. In the face of repentance, are we not commanded to forgive, as we have been forgiven?

Angela Hunt

]]> By: Mike Duran http://mikeduran.com/?p=5928&cpage=1#comment-70049 Mike Duran Tue, 09 Feb 2010 14:30:42 +0000 http://mikeduran.com/?p=5928#comment-70049 Shannon, thanks for your comment! You're right about Scripture allowing for divorce on the grounds of infidelity. The verse that often bothers me, however, is this one: "Because of your hardness of heart, Moses permitted you to divorce your wives; but from the beginning it has not been this way" (Matthew 19:8). Not only does this suggest the ideal: No divorce, but it frames divorce as a "heart" issue as opposed to a "legal" issue. Hard hearts -- whether in a sinning spouse, an offended partner, or both -- are the main issues in a divorce. Which makes the decision to stay or go even more complicated. Blessings back at you, Shannon! Shannon, thanks for your comment! You're right about Scripture allowing for divorce on the grounds of infidelity. The verse that often bothers me, however, is this one: "Because of your hardness of heart, Moses permitted you to divorce your wives; but from the beginning it has not been this way" (Matthew 19:8). Not only does this suggest the ideal: No divorce, but it frames divorce as a "heart" issue as opposed to a "legal" issue. Hard hearts — whether in a sinning spouse, an offended partner, or both — are the main issues in a divorce. Which makes the decision to stay or go even more complicated. Blessings back at you, Shannon!

]]> By: Jay http://mikeduran.com/?p=5928&cpage=1#comment-70048 Jay Tue, 09 Feb 2010 14:27:15 +0000 http://mikeduran.com/?p=5928#comment-70048 Within the church, I'm almost entirely against divorce -- unless someone's well-being is in danger. It helps if we look at the marriage covenant as typology...of a model of God's husband-relationship first with Israel and then later with the church. How many times has God been faithful, while the other half of the marriage contract consistent infidelity? Shouldn't we model our marriages after God's behavior in His? Within the church, I'm almost entirely against divorce — unless someone's well-being is in danger. It helps if we look at the marriage covenant as typology…of a model of God's husband-relationship first with Israel and then later with the church. How many times has God been faithful, while the other half of the marriage contract consistent infidelity? Shouldn't we model our marriages after God's behavior in His?

]]> By: Shannon McNear http://mikeduran.com/?p=5928&cpage=1#comment-70047 Shannon McNear Tue, 09 Feb 2010 14:12:01 +0000 http://mikeduran.com/?p=5928#comment-70047 Very thoughtful posts, and questions I have asked more than once. I have a dear friend whose husband was unfaithful, and her response was to hit her knees, humble *herself* before God, and hang on ... and He restored their marriage. Could I do that? I don't know. God doesn't give me grace for a trial that hasn't been my own. (She feels the same way about our experience in losing a baby ten years ago.) It's my belief that the NT allows for divorce for sexual misbehavior because this sin sunders the marriage relationship as no other. I think the difference in the wife staying in the Haggard and Sanford situations is in whether the offender truly repents. If Haggard is truly repentant--wonderful. Sanford, on the other hand, doesn't seem to be. (Maybe my reaction is a bit stronger because I'm a SC voter who formerly supported him. :-) ) In my view, Jenny Sanford is certainly not bound--and I respect her choice as much as I do that of my friend who stayed with her husband years ago. Blessings, Mike! Very thoughtful posts, and questions I have asked more than once. I have a dear friend whose husband was unfaithful, and her response was to hit her knees, humble *herself* before God, and hang on … and He restored their marriage. Could I do that? I don't know. God doesn't give me grace for a trial that hasn't been my own. (She feels the same way about our experience in losing a baby ten years ago.)

It's my belief that the NT allows for divorce for sexual misbehavior because this sin sunders the marriage relationship as no other. I think the difference in the wife staying in the Haggard and Sanford situations is in whether the offender truly repents. If Haggard is truly repentant–wonderful. Sanford, on the other hand, doesn't seem to be. (Maybe my reaction is a bit stronger because I'm a SC voter who formerly supported him. :-) ) In my view, Jenny Sanford is certainly not bound–and I respect her choice as much as I do that of my friend who stayed with her husband years ago.

Blessings, Mike!

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