I recently noticed that the employees at my local Home Depot had 
mysteriously become much more helpful. “How are you this morning, sir? Can I help you find something?” The first couple of times, I did a double-take. Is this Home Depot? I later discovered it had something to do with a new CEO who was attempting to overhaul the HD image. Well, in my neck of the woods, it’s succeeded.
When it comes to sales, being friendly is essential. When it comes to churches, I’m not so sure.
There’s lots of reasons people do not attend certain churches — style, doctrine, demographics, location, etc. Unfriendliness is one of those reasons. As a pastor, I learned that visitors often judged my church based on the “friendliness factor.” Were members courteous? Were they helpful? Did they recognize visitors? Did members introduce themselves to newcomers and make an attempt to “connect” with them? These were some of the criteria “church shoppers” looked for.
Most churches respond by posting Greeters at the entrance and asking folks, during the service, to take a few minutes to hug, high five, or mingle with the people around them. Cool. But unlike a business, a pastor cannot demand that his members be friendly. And really, what kind of friendliness is coerced? Besides, we shouldn’t base our entire perception of a church upon the few people we happen to come in contact with. Churches are made up of lots of different people in varying degrees of maturity. Nevertheless, if a visitor sits between two bores, well, there’s a good chance that church will get branded as “unfriendly,” and they won’t be coming back.
I’m thinking about this because, after about 8 years, we have started attending a new church. I’ve commented to my wife, several times, how “unfriendly” this church is. I’m saying it semi-sarcastically, partly because of all the times I heard it as a pastor, and partly because it’s true. You see, no one has really gone out of their way to befriend me and Lisa. Does it bother me? Nope.
So am I suggesting friendliness isn’t important? Not at all. I make a habit of being friendly at least once a week. Kidding.
Churches are supposed to cultivate and demonstrate the love of Christ; to preach the Gospel and make disciples. Jesus did not tell us to “Go ye into all the world and make friendly people.” However, if we are doing what Jesus wants, it stands to reason that we will be friendly and make friends. So at some point, if a church is doing what it should, its members will be moving up the scale of “friendly.”
But churches are strange animals — an amalgam of young and old, well-to-do and down-and-out, saved, unsaved, and totally confused. On any given Sunday in any given church, you will find the talkative, the self-centered, the moody, the nit-picky, the wounded, the envious and the insecure. I mean, there’s no telling what kind of person may land next to you. All that to say, if my neighbor’s unfriendly, I don’t take it personal. Cuz I’m that way sometimes too.
It’s one thing to leave a church because they preach false doctrine. It’s another to leave a church because they’ve got a few snobs.
Maybe it’s wrong, but when I hear people say they don’t attend a certain church because it’s “unfriendly,” I can’t help but see it as an excuse. It’s an excuse to NOT get involved, to NOT open up, to NOT make yourself vulnerable. It’s an excuse to NOT make friends. I mean, if all you’re after is friendly people, then go to Home Depot. But if you want humans, then go to church.
So, yeah, I attend an “unfriendly church.” However, it’s only as unfriendly as I let it be…
When you have a church like this you sometimes want to repeat one of the lines from Jens Rushing’s story Bavel; and you know which ones I am talking about. The line I am going to bleep this out “ye f**kups and *r*tards..” I would love to imagine someone walking into a church reading Coach’s Midnight Diner: Jesus Vs. Cthulhu Edition or The Ethereal Gazette: Issue Five. Sometimes when they have the smile on their face you want to say it’s as dead as a mausoleum; in other words you have many clawing in the walls of a coffin. run for your lives
Actually I think this article is an excuse to sin. If we are truly following Christ, then we should make every effort to be friendly. After all, like Home depot, we are selling something…..CHRIST. You can’t simply justify such ungodly behaviour with a lump it or leave it attitude. I have not gone to church for many years now because of the unfriendliness factor and so are other people not going to church because the church as a whole is lacking the love of Christ. There is a huge need for leaders to heal their congregations of immaturity (and this is what unfriendliness is at its heart) and to show them the way. I have gone back to church this time, not to receive, cause frankly there’s more friendliness, honour and warmth in the mafia than there is in church. But this time, I have gone to GIVE. If others are going to treat me like shit, then so be it. Jesus, was. But He came not to be ministered to but to MINISTER. It is time the church grow up. So I’m making every effort to do that this time. But honestly. this article is an EXCUSE to be UNGODLY. And it is time that we BE PERFECT for HE IS PERFECT. So many churches make the excuse OH THERE IS NO PERFECT CHURCH. Well, then if it were not possible to BE PERFECT then Jesus would not have commanded us to be. YOU SEE THE WORLD IS OUT OF THE CHURCH because IT IS MADE TO FEEL UNWELCOME. And this is NOT THE HEART OF GOD. IT IS TIME TO GROW UP. AND STOP MAKING EXCUSES,,,,AMEN
What about non-Christians who decide to walk into a church one day because they want to know about Jesus? According to this article, churches don’t have obligation to be friendly and hospitable. What I’m most afraid of is that someone who doesn’t know Christ will walk into one of these unfriendly churches and find the place devoid of Christ’s love. They might walk out of that place thinking how rude, unfriendly, and unloving “Christians” are and therefore conclude that Christianity is just another religion full of hypocrisy. That there is no “LOVE” in Jesus. That God’s love is fake.
I was part of a student church on a small island. We had no pastor to minister to us. It was run entirely by medical students. Although we had no professional ministers to direct us in how we should conduct ourselves at church, we came to an agreement that hospitality was key to leading people to Christ. We had Muslims, atheists, struggling/wounded Christians walk into our services. If we had not paid attention to them, cared for them, showed empathy for their various conflicts, they would have left more wounded than before. They would have been disappointed at Christians, the church, and most of all–Christ.
In Matthew 25:31-46, Jesus separates the people on his right and left like separating sheep from goats. He tells the people on the right (the sheep) “…I was a stranger and you invited me in” and when the people ask when they had ever served Jesus, Jesus answers back “I tell you the truth, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers of mine, you did for me”. These people are given inheritance in God’s kingdom for what they had done for the least of their brothers/fellow Christians. On the contrary, people who did not serve their brothers were told they would be sent to the eternal fire. I think Jesus’s message is pretty clear in this passage. If you belong to Christ, you’ll go out of your way to feed/give drinks/invite/clothes/and care for fellow sisters and brothers in Christ as well as those who are seeking Christ at the moment. What Jesus mentions here connects directly to hospitality and hospitality to love that we ought to be showing to our neighbours as well as our enemies.
Frankly speaking, I find welcoming newcomers the easiest way to show the love of Christ to someone. I’ve been a newcomer myself and I know how vulnerable it feels to be left alone in the midst of people with no one coming to talk to me; no one expressing interest that a new sister/brother in Christ has come to their church. Also, I’ve been made an outsider at my home church for no reason before. (I was in my early twenties when it happened.) The effect of my church members’ ignorance had been devastating. I almost fell away from faith because of it. After that experience, I decided that I would not let other people go through what I had to go through. The way my church members treated me was not of Christ. That’s not how you love your members.
I’m stronger now. I could care less if people ignored me at church, but I won’t let any newcomers stand in isolation if I see any. If we’re concerned for the body of Christ and leading people to Jesus, we should be proactive in our hospitality. Isn’t that what Christ commanded us? To love one another? To feed/clothe/invite/care for another? So why are we excusing ourselves from this simple duty? Just because the vast majority of the church isn’t doing it doesn’t mean we shouldn’t bother being hospitable and welcoming.
All it takes is a second to step into someone else’s shoes, think about how anxious they must be for venturing into a new place full of strangers, and step forward with the love Christ has shown us.
Friendliness is not as important to me as Intentionality. I’m a very introverted person who has attended a church for 15 years without anyone attempting to get to know me.
However, in a different church I was invited to lunch almost immediately and added to their prayer list.This isn’t just fake, smiley happiness. This is showing the love of Christ and very different.
So I think there should be at least a degree of awareness that some need to be welcomed more intentionally. Not in a fake, happy way, but out of genuine interest and love.
To make happiness an official part of the church program is just fake and ridiculous and makes me sick to my stomach. Everyone sees right through it.