Bread Upon the Water…

What are reasonable writing goals for an author? I suppose it varies from person to person and depends upon a number of factors: Career, marital status, personal obligations, the amount of time that can be devoted to writing, industry connections, talent and creativity, etc. And then there are the things outside of one’s control, like the state of the market, good timing, and the surprises of life that inevitably intrude upon our families, health, schedules and aspirations.

I am not a career author. At the moment, it would probably be safe to describe this blog and my writing endeavors as a hobby. Of course, I have greater ambitions for my writing. But until I land a book contract or am hired to blog for a professional entity, I am probably more like most authors than not. Aspiring.

Which may explain why I’ve been in a bit of a writing funk lately.

Shortly before I signed with my agent — and after multiple rejections for representation — I awoke one morning with a Bible verse in my head. Ecclesiastes 11:1 reads, “Cast your bread upon the waters, for after many days you will find it again.” The verse seemed so incongruous to my emotional state, yet possessed such clarity, that I was sure it was from God. I jotted it on an index card (the same one in the above pic, top right side), and placed it in a shadow box in my office. Within a week after that, I had been offered a contract with a literary agent.

For better or worse, that verse has guided me for the last 4 years or so, even though I’m still not quite sure what it means for me. The first part is pretty obvious: “Cast your bread upon the waters,” which I take to mean there’s a type of abandonment, release, letting go of our projects and career that is intrinsic to being a writer. At some point, every author must reach a point where they cast their stories into the marketplace, entrust their work to the care and scrutiny of others. What happens from there is anyone’s guess. Which leads me to the second part of that verse, the part I’m not so sure about.

Without going into detail, my first novel has been being shopped for the last three years. It’s attracted reasonable interest, but no big bites. Until lately. Several publishers simultaneously took interest in the book, one of them a very well-known label.  It was an exciting, but nerve-wracking time for me… a time that stretched on for several months.

But eventually the tide returned, absent of bread.

Maybe someday I can go into specifics, but for now, the experience has left me drained. This could be nothing more than the basic ebb and flow of the writing life — you know, cast your bread upon the waters and wait. And wait. Perhaps there is virtue in that waiting, in not rushing out and self-publishing the book just to say I have a book.  And of course there is encouragement to be drawn from the experience. After all, someone with some clout did like my stuff. Still, at the moment, I’m rather tired.

If anything, it’s caused me to reflect upon my writing goals. Why am I doing this? And what am I hoping to accomplish? Being a career writer would be cool, but is it realistic? Is my dejection, in part, due to misaligned aspirations? Daydreams? Maybe I’d be better off lowering my expectations and admitting my real station in life, instead of pretending that some treasure chest will appear on the horizon. Or maybe God has other plans for me, and this novel writing thing is just one part of a larger picture… a picture I have yet to comprehend.  Or am I simply letting this rejection go to my head? I don’t know.

Anyway, for the moment, it’s been a good thing. It’s forced me to take a step back and refocus. As a result, I’ve taken a break from some writing projects and simply given myself more time to read and be with the family. My pastor has asked me to oversee a Lenten devotional project for our church, and I’m looking forward to focusing my energies in that direction for a few months.

Yes, I’ll keep an eye on the tide. I love to write and will continue. I mean, who knows when my bread will return? But until it does, I guess I’ll keep casting…