Can a Christian Be Gay?

R confessed to the leadership of our church that he was gay. He also professed to believing in Christ and wanting to change. He had been attending our church for several months, but R kept falling back into old habits, going to a local gay bar, and succumbing to sin. I’d been a Christian for four or five years and was now in a leadership position in that relatively small church. Frankly, we did not know how to handle R. So he made the rounds, taking turns getting counseling from the pastors, including myself. We asked the typical questions — “What was your relationship with your father like? What do you do when temptation arises? Are you reading the Bible and praying enough?” We did not view him as a non-believer, nor a “second rate” Christian. Nevertheless, we were lost as to how to help this man. Eventually, R stopped attending our church.

Wesley Hill, author of Washed and Waiting, is a celibate gay Christian. In commenting on Exodus International’s closing, Hill suggested that one of the problems with Exodus was “reparative therapy,” the treatment at the center of the movement which held that through prayer and various religious means, one could experience a reversal of sexual orientation. In First Things, After Exodus, What?:

“Reparative therapy has never owed much to Christian theology in the first place—its roots lie more in Freud than in the teachings of Jesus or the apostle Paul—so it’s high time that evangelicals became much more familiar with what the Christian tradition itself has to offer those who experience same-sex attraction, namely, a long history of practice and reflection on both celibacy and same-sex friendship. These historic Christian resources haven’t been entirely absent from evangelical discussions, but I think most would agree that they haven’t been prominent.”

To my knowledge, the “celibacy option” was never suggested to R. But in hindsight, we had no paradigm for even suggesting that option. “Gay Christian” was not in our vocabulary.

Of course, some would say that being gay is technically defined by the act, not the attraction. If this line of reasoning is correct, a person is not really gay until they act on the impulse. However, as in all lifestyles, attraction or impulse precedes practice. You can’t be gay — or an adulterer, glutton, or thief — without first having the “orientation.”

So was R more “Christian” the less he went to gay bars? Was he less gay the more he resisted same-sex attractions? Or did the fact that he still had the impulse prove that he wasn’t a Christian in the first place? If we apply any of those options to heterosexual Christians, we’re all in trouble.

The Bible says, “Everyone who calls upon the name of the Lord will be saved” (Rom. 10:13, Acts 2:21, Joel 2:13). By “everyone,” I’m assuming that includes gays… and adulterers, gluttons, and thieves. Scripture also confirms that one can be saved and still sin. Which is why the apostle John declared that whoever says he is without sin is a liar, but if we confess our sins, God is faithful to forgive us (I Jn. 1:8-9). Furthermore, most sins that the saved commit — I specify most because the Bible speaks, somewhat vaguely, about an unpardonable sin — don’t jeopardize their salvation. Take King David who committed heterosexual adultery, yet was still considered a servant of God and a “man after God’s own heart.” Yes, he was punished for his sin. Yes, his family suffered, even the entire nation felt the consequences! But his sexual attraction and subsequent surrender to it did not terminate his essential relationship with God.

So if heterosexual sin does not stop someone from being (or staying) saved, why should homosexual sex?

Which is why the question that most evangelicals are really asking here is, Can a person remain a practicing homosexual and be a Christian?

Take a look at how the apostle Paul frames this:

“Or do you not know that wrongdoers will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived. Neither the sexually immoral nor idolators nor adulterers nor men who have sex with men nor the greedy nor drunkards nor slanderers nor swindlers will inherit the kingdom of God. And that is what some of you were. But you were washed, you were sanctified, you were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ and by the Spirit of our God.” — I Cor. 6:9-11 NIV

It is important to notice that homosexuality is included in a list along with other, shall we say, common sins. It is not referenced as any more or less sinful. This is important because of the tendency among some religious folk to view homosexuality as more heinous than adultery, greed, or slander. However the gist of the text is not to make a laundry list of sins, but to look at lives heading in two opposite directions – those who inherit the kingdom of God, and those who don’t.

So is Paul saying that a Christian who commits adultery, slanders someone, and then goes out and gets drunk loses their salvation? Or is Paul saying that it’s impossible for a Christian to EVER sin? Well, as I suggested, biblical history contains enough flawed saints and enough instruction about God’s forgiveness to answer both questions in the negative.

At this point, a quote from Lewis in The Great Divorce may be helpful:

“Hell begins with a grumbling mood, always complaining, always blaming others… but you are still distinct from it. You may even criticize it in yourself and wish you could stop it. But there may come a day when you can no longer. Then there will be no you left to criticize the mood or even to enjoy it, but just the grumble itself, going on forever like a machine. It is not a question of God ‘sending us’ to hell. In each of us there is something growing, which will BE hell unless it is nipped in the bud. ”

I think this is what Paul’s getting at in the above verse. We were once “grumblers” who, had we not repented and came clean, would eventually become an eternal Grumble. Yes, we still occasionally grumble. But we are moving the opposite direction. We have changed. We are not who we once were. We are not a Grumble. God has changed us on the inside! And so the longer we follow Christ, the less grumbling we do.

This could apply to any sin. Are we nipping it in the bud, or allowing it to consume us, assimilate us? Are we becoming a Grumble — or a Groan, an Itch, a Pervert, a Nag, or are we “still distinct from it”?

As Philip Yancey suggested, There’s only two types of people in the world: Sinners who admit it and sinners who don’t. Likewise, according to Scripture the big difference is between the soul who denies their sin, justifies it, perhaps even flaunts it, and the one who wrestles against sin, sometimes falls (maybe even often!), but continues to repent, seek forgiveness, and try again.

I don’t see how this is any different for a homosexual.

So can a Christian be gay?

We must always be cautious, I think, about pronouncing who is and is not saved. Jesus turned religious convention on its head, saying that the first will be last, and that heaven will be full of surprises. Furthermore, everybody is in process of moving to God or away from Him. Gays can be in that process too!

Is homosexuality a sin, an abnormal lifestyle? I believe Scripture is clear on that. Can a person be in that lifestyle and moving towards God? Absolutely! Can a gay person be saved and still struggle with their homosexual attraction, even occasionally fall into sin? Why not? Heterosexuals do it all the time!

Which brings me back to R who, God knows, I wish I could talk to one more time.