So what causes “bad people”? Nowadays, the answers typically fall into these three categories:
- Parents — familial influences
- Peers — social influences
- Predestination — genetic influences
Lisa and I have raised four children — our oldest is 25, youngest 19, 2 boys and 2 girls. It was not easy. There was tears, prayers, second-guessing and oodles of grace. Thus far, it appears we reproduced reasonably healthy children — spiritually grounded, psychologically stable, socially productive and, best of all, no Yankee fans.
But how much of their “health” can we take credit for?
Child rearing, like marriage, involves more than one person. Whenever I do pre-marital counseling, I often ask the couple, “Do you have any guarantees that your marriage will work?” It’s a loaded, intentionally thorny question that usually gets them squirming. But no matter how compatible or sincere they are, the fact is, THERE ARE NO GUARANTEES THAT ANY MARRIAGE WILL WORK. I can strive to do everything right, to be the perfect husband. But my wife is not a robot. She has a free will and, the longer we remain together, the more things will change in and outside her. Of course, being a great husband will improve my chances of having a long, happy marriage. Yet there are no guarantees. Great husbands can still end up divorced.
One of the first questions asked about a “bad man” — like the Virginia Tech shooter — concerns his background. Where did he come from? What forces shaped him? Was he abused, molested, abandoned, etc.? This, we believe, holds a clue about the man’s malfunction.
In 2004, Larry King interviewed the father of serial killer Jeffrey Dahmer. I watched the interview and pervading the interaction was a sense of psychological voyeurism — we were looking for clues as to how serial killers are made. The questions were fairly routine — What was Jeffrey like? Any signs of maladjustment? What would you do different? — but underneath was a quizzical eye. How can we prevent our kids from becoming serial killers?
But as much as parents want their kids to grow up balanced, well-adjusted and happy, there are no guarantees. It is totally possible to do everything right — read bedtime stories, be affirmative, discipline with consistence — and still raise a “bad” kid. Conversely, many “good” people come out of dysfunctional households. In fact, it can be argued that every household is slightly dysfunctional. So the equation’s not as airtight as we’d like.
To complicate matters, there’s articles like this wherein an American psychologist suggests
Though relationships with parents greatly affect the day-to-day happiness of children, just as marital relationships greatly affect the day-to-day happiness of adults, neither leaves deep marks on the personality. In the long run, it is what happens to them outside the parental home that makes children turn out the way they do.
According to this professional, “outside influences such as popular culture, friends or street gangs have a 
much greater influence on children than family life or even genetic make-up.” So much for good parenting.
Compounding all this is the reality that “internal” conditions — biological / chemical / spiritual — do affect people’s behavior. While Jesus told some people to stop sinning, others required exorcisms. Call it what you will, but the Bible affirms an invisible dimension to people’s problems. It’s not always about textbook parenting, healthy eating and a membership at the country club. Being the greatest husband ever will not stifle menopause (i.e. demonic possession). Likewise, perfect parenting is no match for mental illness.
So who’s to blame?
I’m wondering if the question is unanswerable; that we live with this modernistic hangover, this misguided notion that everything can be dissected and repaired — including humans. Thus, we approach marriage and child-rearing and social interaction with an overly clinical mentality. We want a formula for raising healthy children, a recipe for a long-lasting marriage, a manual for diagnosing and treating chemical imbalance. We want to know “the secret” to not producing shooters and serial killers, as if humans are robots on an assembly line needing circuits, fuses and fresh oil.
Could it be this “organism” is too complex, too nuanced, too fragile for diagrams and definitions? Is it possible that there is no way to prevent Cho Seung-Hui’s and Jeffrey Dahmer’s from happening, that we are far too broken for psycho-babble and medication?
So is it parents, peers or predestination? Hmm. It could be all three. . . or none of the above.
“THERE ARE NO GUARANTEES THAT ANY MARRIAGE WILL WORK. I can strive to do everything right, to be the perfect husband. But my wife is not a robot. She has a free will…”
THANK YOU!!!!!!!!!
I am SICK of the false idea that, “it takes two to divorce!!!!!” Where will anyone find THAT in the Bible???!!!!!!!
You are right, I believe. There were four of us growing up in a sick, abusive family. My brother and I are 13 months apart. We were both introduced to Jesus around the same time. We both made “professions of faith.” When I met Jesus, I never let Him go … never needed a “rededication,” never “wondered” if I was “saved.” My brother has created his own god, or gods, and his own philosophy to live by and is as out there as they come.
I don’t think we can ever understand the full battery of variables, and how they work on individuals, but the Bible is clear in several areas:
1. we are all, to some extent, victims of what happened in the garden. Our first parents’ fall doomed us all to the effects of sin on humanity and the cosmos
2. God holds us accountable for our sin, so WE are to blame for what evil we do. I do think, at some level, that barring the most severe manifestations of mental illness, and despite all sorts of abusive situation, in any case where we can choose not to do evil, but we do evil, we are to blame. The V Tech killer had the option of not killing. To the extent he chose to kill to vent his rage and frustrations, to the extent he wallowed in violent thoughts rather than nurturing merciful ones, he is guilty. And he will have to account for it.
3. Evil is out there, roaring, wanting to gulp us down, in the form of spirits/principalities/powers and so forth. But there is also good out there seeking to deliver us, aid us, comfort us, and empower us. We do have a choice to some extent in where we put our allegiance. IF we dally with the dark and occult, we will be taken over, perhaps, byt those powers. IF we lean on God and His Spirit, it will be much more difficult for the dark to overpower us, in fact, with sufficient surrender to God, it will be impossible. If God’s Spirit controls us, not evil spirit can have a space to control our actions, period.
4. Whatever that psychologist says (and he/she is not infallible) parental influence is major, perhaps supreme for many. And while it is not the only influence, and may not be able to thwart all comers, it cannot be discounted, so it’s not an out for lousy parents. And there are plenty of lousy parents who refuse to take responsibility for their own selfishness, lack of adequate correction and instruction and supervision, lack of proper modeling, etc. However, just as their are no perfect people, there are no perfect parents. But if one spares the rod, one risks spoiling the child, and that is Biblical. And the very fact that overseers are expected to have their families functional–ie, if a man can’t be an effective and loving leader to his wife and children, why should we trust him to be so for a congregation?–says that overseeing a family is labor that yields good fruit if done right, just as pastoring a church yields good fruit if done right.
5. Bad company corrupts good morals. Peer pressure matters, and so I do believe that parents have a right to know with whom kids spend time and to control it as much as possible to weed out those “bad company” elements. Do you know with whom your kid hangs with at school? After school? In the park? On the street? If not, well…
I think a lot of work goes into raising decent human beings with the ability to make commitments, love, sacrifice for others, etc. And society sure doesn’t make it easy, does it? The village can be dysfunctional, too, and that trickles down.
But before I blame parents or teachers or society or anyone, I need to look at me. Because if I do evil, I chose to do evil (barring those extreme and exceptional cases). And no matter who beat me, whipped me, raped me, hurt me, etc…when the choice is mine, I am responsible.
And shifting the blame is just one more evil act. We’re all victims. We’re all transgressors. And we’re all capable of horrible evil…
Mir
Mir
Oh, and for those who don’t believe in the soul, it’s a moot point. If it’s just chemical or material processes, then the killer is not to blame.
This discussion only matters if we are beings with souls.
Mir
btw – “menopause (i.e. demonic possession)” … you mean, kinda like living with a man in mid-life-crisis????!!!!!!! 😉
Mir – I love your comment here. It is SO refreshing to hear someone take responsibility for their own choices … and so rare … but they will one day, won’t they. We will all answer to God one day. God is just; and He will not be mocked.
Mir, thanks for the thoughtful comments. While I agree with your overall comments, I personally struggle with the level of culpability for an individual suffering from a physical or spiritual malady. You’re right that the Bible usually holds people responsible for their actions. But there may be some exceptions.
For instance, the apostle Paul said this: “Even though I was once a blasphemer and a persecutor and a violent man, I was shown mercy because I acted in ignorance and unbelief” (I Tim. 1:13). Apparently, Paul’s spiritual condition — his “ignorance and unbelief” — lessened his culpability, or at least tempered God’s judgment. Also, as I mentioned in the post, Jesus addressed some people not by demanding repentance, but by exorcising a demon or demons. The implication is that some conditions do render one less responsible for their actions. Until the madness is treated, they cannot be held to the same level of accountability as you or me. Jesus did not rebuke the demoniac for public indecency, he evicted Legion. But where exactly that line between insanity and culpability is, I don’t know.
At the very least, I believe God understands the depths of pain and dysfunction individuals carry about. Abuse and psychosis can and does compel people toward evil. While their condition may not let them off the hook, I think that God’s compassion and mercy deeply influences His appraisal and judgment.
Loved your last bit about modernism and dissecting everything. Another thing modernism has done to parents is make them terribly introspective. Parents worry incessantly about doing something wrong, not according to the accepted parenting method of the day. As you said, parenting, marriage, any relationships are organic. They’re not easy. They’re not simple. And that’s precisely the point. If they were, we wouldn’t need to rely on Jesus as we navigate them.
Mike you took a great risk with this statement, “Being the greatest husband ever will not stifle menopause (i.e. demonic possession).” But it had me laughing out loud… and I knew Ame couldn’t let it pass without a comment. 😉
Biblically, was Adam a bad or abusive father? One of his sons murdered the other.
What about Jacob (Israel)? Definitely had some major problems between the siblings going on there.
King David, the man after God’s own heart? Let’s see one son raped his half-sister. Another son killed that son for that horrible offense. And then there was Absalom who not only wanted to take over the kingdom, but have his father killed.
These sound about as dysfunctional as one could imagine, so can we pin it on any one thing, or any three things, or even any combination of a dozen things? I don’t know.
We are the product of a fallen state and ANY or EVERY one of us could be or become the next madman, except by the grace of God.
Then there is also the invisible dimension you mentioned… Satan, whose desire is to rob, kill, and destroy, and doesn’t care who (though the saints are certainly favorite prey) so much as how many can he prevent from entering God’s kingdom. And if he can use a young man like Cho as his tool, then he succeeds in his own eyes.
Unfortunately the liberal media cannot see the spiritual dimension and the battles that are occurring in the spiritual realm (Ephesians 6:12), so therefore it cannot possibly exist or be an authentic cause for any of the maladies we witness in these days…
Keep up the good fight Mike, and the thoughtful commentary.