Another one of those “writing rules” that pedagogues preach is POV. Whose Point Of View is the story being told through? Seeing the story through someone else’s head is important to the consistency, pacing, and feel of the tale. The following POV is told through my protag, Gennel O’Dwyer:
Gennel opened the cellar door and peeked inside. She smelled mold and wrinkled her nose. As she scanned the dusty shelves, she noticed the pickle jar had been overturned. Gennel gasped. She feared that she would never find her pet tarantula, Samantha, ever again.
Okay, forget that Gennel has a pet tarantula named Samantha. This paragraph breaks an important POV rule. Sure, it’s probably not unlike any number of paragraphs, in any number of books, on any number of bestseller lists. It’s descriptive, grammatically correct, and probably passable from a publisher’s perspective. But this sentence is not true to POV. And herein lies my peeve.
Allow me to demonstrate by tweaking this paragraph:
Gennel opened the cellar door and peeked inside. She wrinkled her nose at the odor of mold. Dust blanketed the shelves, and the pickle jar lay overturned. She gasped. Would Gennel ever find her pet tarantula, Samantha, ever again?
You see, if I’m “in” Gennel’s POV, I don’t need to be told “she smelled” anything. Just describe “the odor of mold.” And if “the pickle jar had been overturned” on “the dusty shelves,” I don’t need to tell you that “she scanned the dusty shelves” or that “she noticed” the toppled jar. All I need to do is show you the overturned jar on the dusty shelves. Remember, I’m in her head. And finally, if I’m living the story through Gennel’s POV, I don’t need to tell you “she feared” anything. I need to show her fearing, wondering, worrying.
Yeah, it’s a pet peeve of mine. But the amazing thing is how many published authors get away with it. Oh well, so much for the “writing rules”…
Without reading your commentary (which I did, of course) or noting the breaking or keeping of the rules, it’s obvious which paragraph is better.
I understand your frustration Mike, but this is not the big pov violation all the eds, pubs, and agents are usually complaining about.
I think the powers that be let this go because the pov in the first example is technically correct, it’s just not deep third pov. and therefore doesn’t bring you into the character as much, nor read as well.
“deep third pov”? Sounds like a new program on the SciFi channel. While I understand the difference, I’m not sure I understand why one is preferable to the other… mainly because so many bestselling authors don’t use it. Oh well, I guess I’ll add it to my list of peeves. Thanks, Dayle.
Yeah, I hear they’re tried to get Brent Spiner to star in it, but negotiations fell through.
In most of the novels I read, I see the same thing as you. But on the other hand, I haven’t seen an absolute declaration to abandon the style of your first example – only a recommended nudge to gravitate toward the second.
At the moment, I think a varying of the third pov distancing is the best approach. But to each his own.
Mike, I think the problem is with the idea that you see the story through your protagonist’s eyes. Technically that happens only in first person. However, the current trend in writing has been to create the “deep third pov” that Dayle mentioned. It reads like third (he, him, and his instead of I, me, and my) but all the rest is from this character’s vantage point.
In reality, third person POV does not have to be that close, which is why you see any number of authors saying, She smelled mold, or whatever.
On top of that, there is omniscient third, and several versions of that, one allowing readers inside the minds of several characters.
Here’s where personal preference comes in, I think, not any shattering of good writing rules.
I used to cringe when I realized a book was in first person. Don’t know why. Of late, I have no problem with first person at all.
Becky
Mike, thanks for changing the spelling of “peeve” — I really enjoyed your article, I’m just a spelling freak and sometimes can’t get past misspellings. Of course, I NEVER make mistakes … 😉
I just discovered your blog and find it very interesting and thought provoking. Glad I found it!
Hi Stacy. Thanks for the correction. But don’t look too close, or you’re liable to find lots of errors. Glad you enjoy the blog!