There are some surprising parallels to preaching and being a published author. One is the sheer solitariness of those ventures. Besides preaching, the only 
other time I felt so naked, so vulnerable, so utterly alone, was when my debut novel released.
Just think about the similarities…
The preacher works in quiet, crafting his message, gathering material. He seeks Inspiration. But he’s got a deadline. So whatever inspiration he can muster will have to suffice. He refines his points with one eye to God, the other to his audience. Then he rehearses the message, tightening prose and polishing thoughts. The week builds towards Sunday. Finally, the day arrives. The congregation assembles and the sermon is the main course. Every eye is on him, watching his gestures, weighing his words. He is alone on the stage. With a microphone. If he sweats, they will see. If he fumbles and stutters, they will witness it. Even so, the audience wants him to “deliver,” to say something significant, moving, humorous, and relevant. They want to be engaged. But mid-way through, some begin to yawn and nod off. The points that sung in his study have now lost their power. Perhaps the message was just for him. The sermon ends and everyone exits to smiles and handshakes. Though nobody says it, the preacher realizes he did not live up to expectations. In the pit of his stomach, an even deeper fear stirs: Some members will leave if he keeps this up.
And once again, the preacher is left all alone.
Like that preacher, having your book published can be a humbling, nerve-racking, solitary experience. That thing that you labored over for months — probably years — has finally been brought into the spotlight. This is your day, dog. The story you poured over in private, is now starkly public. The runway is yours alone! People are scrutinizing your words, your characters, your prose, your plot. Your potential. What will they think of you? Will you live up to their expectations? Or will they yawn and nod off? Will you be exposed as the insecure, frail wannabe, that you’ve always suspected?
Yep. Getting published can be a scary thing. If you’re not vetted, absolutely sold on your talent and your tale, the spotlight can burn you into a crisp.
So a co-worker learned I was a writer and got all excited. It was about a month before the release of my first novel. She wanted a personalized copy, so she came to my book signing and purchased a signed copy. You’d have thought she won the lotto. I was anxious to get her thoughts. About a month later I tracked her down. I could tell she was trying to avoid me. Before I even had a chance to say hello, she said, “I haven’t finished your book yet.” “Oh, that’s OK,” I said. “So what do you think so far?” She hemmed and hawed, and finally confessed, “I dunno. I’m having a hard time with it. I think it has too many adjectives.”
I didn’t take it too bad. You see, I’d heard it all before.
- The sermon was too long.
- The sermon was boring.
- The sermon wasn’t relevant.
- The sermon didn’t speak to me.
- The sermon had too many adjectives.
This is one of those things I wish I could brain dump into aspiring authors. Being published will put you under the microscope in ways you can’t imagine.
The truth is, no matter how many Facebook friends and Twitter followers you have, no matter how enthusiastic your critique partners are, when your book releases it is only YOU in the spotlight. Your mother can’t hold your hand. Your Facebook friends can’t join you on the runway. Your name goes on the front cover and into the Library of Congress. History is made. You have finally managed to free yourself from obscurity. Now you are exposed.
Adjectives and all.
Well, Mike, she must have had a course or read a book on writing somewhere –you know, one that teaches we should avoid adjectives. Then again, maybe it was just an excuse, sort of like, “I didn’t hear much of the sermon. I was praying.”
Oh Richard that’s priceless- “I didn’t hear much of the sermon. I was praying.” I’m still laughing. But will definitely remember it for the future… not that I would ever… hahaha
Mike I feel that way every time I release a post on my inspirational blog! It’s God’s Word! What if I mess it up? What if I wrote something stupid- you know one of those things all Christians look for before trashing a writer? She just doesn’t get it. What if my photo or illustration is just wrong… and I’m the only one who likes it. It must be good training from the Lord- I’m getting better at coping. I surrender it to the Lord. And if there’s no comments, I tell myself 2 things- everyone’s entitled to a dud now and then, and maybe they were left speechless. I pray He’ll use it according to His will and bring people who need it. It is His Word, it’s His blog too. Then I move on to the next project or post. Honestly though I do read posts and don’t always comment.
Yes, Karen, there’s a certain degree of insecurity blogging brings. Like the congregants who leave a church w/out saying why, I sometimes wonder if I’ve made a fool of myself by saying too much. Thanks for commenting!
There’s a few things to keep in mind in Church Attendance and blogging. While book sales increase during the holidays- it gets cold outside and in some places snowy, so it’s hard to get out to Church. I’ve noticed during the holidays people have other things to do besides read blogs, so hits go down. Also, the music and atmosphere in a Church makes a huge difference. Our worship band turned up the contemporary music so loud we can’t hear ourselves sing anymore… So it makes it impossible to worship through song. There’s so many variables in all of this. Am I getting preachy or long winded in my posts? Best to just trust the Lord and let Him lead us for sure : ) The good news is sales are up for us creative folks!
It is an odd criticism for a reader to make in passing. Imagine…
“What did you think of my book?”
“I thought the plot thin, the description skimpy, and the theme shallow. But the charaters were believable. I gave it a 3 out of 5.”
“Oh…well, thanks, Mom…”
No writer is immune to it. Just a few months ago, after the release of his (frankly beautiful and brilliant) second book, Patrick Rothfuss was over on Facebook talking about eating a gun. He got a few one-star reviews at Amazon–something like 3% of the people who reviewed what is essentially holding at a 4.5 star rating.
And, frankly, it’s a large part of why I haven’t tried to publish. I’m not sure I can handle not having my work be the best thing. I’m okay with criticism but not okay with not doing my best. (It’s hard to explain the subtle difference I think.) I’m trying to overcome that, of course.
I totally understand that feeling. My books have gotten lots of good reviews. And I’m honored and grateful for every one. But the occasional negative one still hurts a bit.
I’m training myself out of that, though. Like, why would I assume everyone would like my books? Does everyone like the color red?
I don’t like red. ^_^
(Just making myself a case in point.)
This is going to sound terrible. Still, here it is: I’m more scared of not being in the spotlight. I’ve always felt sort of invisible, which doesn’t work well with my aggressive nature. I want to put my work out there in the world, so long as people aren’t looking at me. Being an aggressive, confrontational introvert is kind of tough. Other writers are like this, right? Please tell me I’m not alone.
I’m an aggressive introvert as well! Thank you internet and web 2.0!
Me three! Me three!
I don’t know though if “aggressive” is the right word for me as much as “confrontational”. And even then I don’t think that hits the right nuance. I just feel better if everyone is upfront about everything. I’d rather be told that you don’t like me than feel as though you’ve lied to me be acting as if you did. Sometimes I feel alone in that.
With me though my work is so much a part of who I am I don’t think people can see one without seeing the other. And back to the “should your work mean something” question, as my work is so reflective of who I am, I hesitate to frame stories as The Truth. They really are only puppet shows about how I happen to look at the world. I’m not God and can’t claim ultimate truth.
“And even then I don’t think that hits the right nuance. ”
My way of stating it is, I don’t put up with nonsense.
“Assertive” is probably a better word than “aggressive” though. I think more extroverted types tend to think introvert equals “laid back” but there can be a whole lot of passion (and energy) stored up in an introvert. When it unleashes, watch out!
As for your initial question, Mike, my answer is: nope. But I will be when the time is right (God willing).
“I want to put my work out there in the world, so long as people aren’t looking at me.”
This sounds like half of the writers I know. I have a published friend who was recently asked to lead a workshop at a writer’s conference. Afterwards, she vowed she would never do that again. She was so nervous that she almost threw up! So how do we do this, seek publication but skirt what it entails?
That’s where my dreadful sense of dualism aides me. I can teach a class or lead a workshop so long as I’m an expert in the topic. I don’t really have a problem with that because I tend to make this split between mind and body. People aren’t looking at me, so much as they’re learning from my vast stores of knowledge. I become my subject. It would definitely not make me throw up or cry “never again!” I used this same dualistic ability to sing in a praise team and TA a graduate level class (w/ nothing but a BA) and act in a few plays. It would be beneficial, I think, for others to make this distinction between themselves and what they’re offering to the world. Sure, if expertise is lacking, what are you going to rely on but charm? And introverts aren’t generally charming.
LOL. Ah, yes, the dreaded workshop. A peril for the true introvert. But I love being on panels. (although I’m still an emotional wreck beforehand.) Writing will always be my preferred method of communication. *retreating into the safe, quiet shadows again*
“Though nobody says it, the preacher realizes he did not live up to expectations. In the pit of his stomach, an even deeper fear stirs: Some members will leave if he keeps this up.”
There is the alternative which is that the members – or a powerful minority of them – force the pastor/preacher to leave. Seen that happen too many times.
After writing fanfic for so many years, I know what this feels like. When you’re writing fanfic, people already have an idea of what the characters should be like. If you don’t deliver on the “in-character expectations”, you get burned at the stake. Especially if you commit any of numerous crimes, like having a “self-insert” who outshines all the “canon” characters. The reading public does not hesitate to let you know how much you suck, and if you continue to do so, you might wind up on the Encyclopedia Dramatica. The reading internet is a cruel place.
That said, having been through that, publishing doesn’t make me too nervous. I’ve already gone through the hazing of fanfic. What can professional critics say that is worse than stuff people say on fanfiction.net?
And professional critics aren’t going to hang you from the yardarm if you have the “wrong” ‘ship. ::shudders as she remembers the wrath of Harmony fans upon her friends’ fanfic::
Professional critics are seldom if ever the problem — I’ve almost never seen a professional review that was as cruel and pointed as the nasty fanfic reviews. But book bloggers can definitely be just as cruel as any outraged “you wrote the wrong ‘ship” fans — and some of the nastiest bloggers and their hangers-on started out in fandom, as well.
I dodged the Harmonians by writing Snapefic, myself. But then a few Snapefans started claiming to have married him on the astral plane and everything just went downhill from there.
(Meanwhile, Mike is making odd faces and wondering what on earth we’re talking about. Don’t worry, Mike, you haven’t missed a thing.)
Married Snape on the astral plane? HAHAHA oh man, those types are in every fandom. I wrote for Sonic the Hedgehog, myself, but all fandoms are the same. I kept far, far away from the shippers. They still frighten me.
That nakedness — that’s it, exactly. the ebook versions of my novel were posted Monday, and the printed version will come in January, but that feeling of vulnerability is there. Living a story for almost a decade makes the story an intimate part of yourself. And you’re exposing it.
Well, I just paid $2.99 to look at your nakedness. I’ll let you know what I think. 🙂
Thanks for checking it out!
WOW! I had thought about this before, but your words brought it more to life. I think the reason God is telling me to “wait” right now is because he knows I am mentally not ready. He is working on me and in the meantime I am enjoying myself, learning new things and making new friends.
Thanks for the reality check.
One of the things that keeps me sane in the face of less-than-positive reviews is reminding myself of how many books I read that seem to me adequate but not especially memorable, and how few books I read that I truly love and am excited about recommending to others. And that the same books which inspire wild zeal in me often leave other readers, even good friends of mine whose literary taste I normally share, quite unmoved.
So much depends on the mood you’re in when you’re reading a book, how good or poor the last book you read was by comparison, whether the book happens to hit any of your pet peeves or favorite tropes, and what you generally value and look for in your personal reading experience. So when I come across someone who didn’t “get” or enjoy one of my books, I do find it painful, but I also remind myself that I didn’t write the book for that particular reader — I wrote it for the ones who share my tastes and interests, and would appreciate what I was trying to do.
All in all, though, I think authors like Sara Zarr (and many others I know) are right to avoid reading reviews altogether. The glow of the good ones so quickly fades, but the sting of the bad ones can linger and poison your thoughts for months or years afterward. And once you’ve published a book and it’s out in the world, critical feedback is worthless, because most of it is unique to that particular book and you can’t change anything about it now even if you wanted to.
Also, I truly can’t say that I have ever been put off reading a book that I was seriously interested in by seeing a bad review. Sometimes the bad reviews even make me want to read the book more, because the things that the reviewer hated about the book are the very things I personally like.
I was blessed, because within a few weeks of starting my first novel at age 14, God set things up so an 8-year-old girl started pointing out problems with it. (Our parents were visiting together, and I was trying to figure out what to do with her.)
I actually have more folks who will rip my writing to shreds to my face than I do who’ll do it online.
Call me crazy, but I read all my reviews that I find. Sometimes they bewilder me; sometimes I can at least understand where they’re coming from. Analyzing them to figure what kind of person would’ve written them gives me character fodder for the future.
I’m with you on the bad reviews. Often the “bad” reviews are the only ones that come out and say, “This was poorly written!” or “page 53 is duplicated three times in various places throughout the book!”
Of course, you look at the “bad” reviews for a book like Jones’s Hexwood, and they’re hilarious, because they’re all, “Uh, gee, I didn’t understand this book.” And that’s the whole point. The book is a puzzle that you’re figuring out as you read it.
These are wise words, Rebecca. Thanks for commenting!
Yep, I know what you mean about putting yourself out there when you publish a book. I didn’t think about it at first. However, as time wore on and comments started to roll in — most of them quite positive — I began to feel the exposure.
You know, I’ve heard the advice for writers not to read their reviews.
I couldn’t follow that if my life depended on it. (OK, so maybe I could, permit my use of hyperbole.)
So, I’d say I’m going to end up in the spotlight, all stage-fright-y and wide-eyed-y, and get a burn from the bulb. But over all, I think this negative part of the writing life is nearly always overwhelmed by all the positive responses you get from standing up there and sweating.
Voice from the bedroom: “I don’t want to go to church today. The youth group is boring. The adults are always fighting. And no one likes me.”
Another voice replies: “You have to go to church today, you’re the pastor.”
The interesting thing about “being on stage” is how often the reverse can be true: Because a presentation/book is a collaborative venture between the speaker/author & her audience, sometimes the adulation & praise takes the creator by surprise.
As a Training Coordinator, I’ve delivered thousands of presentations in the workplace. Some days I judge my own performance as lackluster, uninspired, flat. But feedback sheets from those same talks can leave me wondering whether I was at the same event as the participants: “Wonderful!” “Loved it!” “Learned a lot…it was very meaningful.”
I read recently where Stephen King was intrigued that a lot of his fans consider “The Stand” to be among his best works. From his perspective, it’s not.
So I guess there’s some balance to the universe…people may hate your “baby”… but they may also love what you consider the runt of your litter.
I am always stunned at the way most things writers experience express what I experience as a photographer trying to grow my exposure. Anymore, it’s not just your pictures out there, it’s YOU, and it’s scary to put yourself out there.
Thank you for the frank look at the rollicking insecurity we all face when we allow ourselves to be exposed.
Hi Kelly- I’m a photographer , writer and illustrator. Photography is hard for sure. A few things to remember are that with free blogging comes lots and lots of photos online! I try and separate myself from my work. Once I’m done, it’s no longer me- on to the next project. We do have a huge challenge right now and the economy isn’t helping us because it’s just not as critical to get a portrait as to pay the mortgage. I was happy to see a fellow photographer in this thread. Mike Duran comes up with the best discussion ideas!