The Feminizing Effects of Fluoride

It’s well known that high doses of fluoride can suppress testosterone production. Which is why I’m guessing  that defenders of the recent New York Times’ piece, 27 Ways to Be a Modern Man, regularly brush their teeth.

But why should an article on “modern men” need defending? I mean, everybody gets that “The Male Code” is something that needs “broken.” How could we not? With institutions of higher education like Vanderbilt University holding events like “Healthy Masculinities Week,” you’d think our brainwashing education would be complete. Just peruse the compelling courses designed to helpfully deconstruct America’s “narrow definition of masculinity.”

• The Macho Paradox: Why some men hurt and how all men can help
• Maintaining “Bro” Status: Fraternity men discuss masculinity and mental health
• Masc 4 Masc: Policing masculinity in the gay and bi communities
• Masculinity XXL? The portrayal of manhood in Magic Mike

I’m guessing that VU also provides fluoridated water to staff and attendees. And a “crying room” for the Masculine XXLs in the crowd hoping to shrink into some skinny jeans.

So why must ANYTHING in the Gray Lady need defending? Well, because non-fluoride users, like myself, see it as further evidence of Masculinity Under Siege.

That’s right. With 95% of all dental products containing fluoride and most of our water supply spiked, American society is almost completely feminized. It’s surprising that the “modern man” even shaves any more with all that testosterone-suppressing fluoride in his veins.  One “expert” even noted: “Hitler pioneered the fluoridation of water supplies because he found it made people more docile and willing to submit to authority. Since testosterone-driven males tend to be strong-willed and independent, it makes sense that fluoride would make a population more unwilling to question authority.” Which makes critics of the NYT article even more unusual.

Only the un-fluoridated question gender deconstructionists.

So it’s no surprise I was taken to task for agreeing with the sentiments of THIS article. That author also sees the NYT piece as evidence that “traditional, universal standards of manhood are under cultural assault today by radical feminists and gender activists who hope to redefine masculinity out of existence, or at the very least to marginalize it.” Apparently, that’s far too conspiratorial for some. Minutes after I posted the article on my Facebook page, Alan Noble, Editor-in-Chief for Christ and Pop Culture, shared my post as evidence that people were, well, thick — “Yet another person writes a serious response to the NYT’s satirical take on modern manhood.” Huh? “Satire”?

I’m pretty sure Alan is a fluoride user. So I moved slowly, with calculation, in rebuttal.

It didn’t work.

28. The modern man does not understand satire.

— O. Alan Noble (@TheAlanNoble) October 10, 2015

Alan’s tribe, clearly a testosterone deprived bunch, also piled on.

• Eric: “The modern man is so composed he refuses to ‘smh’ when people don’t get the joke.”
• Nate: ” The modern man is afraid of anything that he deems unmanly being associated with any man.”
• Darryl: “The modern man has poor reading comprehension skills.”
• Alan (not Noble): “The modern man is so reactionary that satire totally escapes his notice.”

Apparently, critics of the NYT piece have “poor reading comprehension skills” and are not “sophisticated” enough to discern the article as satire. Or maybe they’re just too phobic. So any defense of masculinity is now framed as brute stupidity or fear. Joining these elitists, er, guys-who-are-free-from-rigid-traditional-masculine-stereotypes, is easy. All one need do is laugh at highbrow NYT’s articles and snark off those who take offense. And, oh, start taking your fluoride.

It’s unclear how said fluoridians view the numerous examples of gender redefinition at work in culture and academia. I mean, do they apply for college courses on “Bro status” or see them as silly? Do they believe that gay and bi communities require “masculinity policing,” or is that a bit over the top? Do they see “Magic Mike’s” XXL Masculinity as something needing down-sized (or completely pantsed) and the silly girls enjoying these displays of sizzling testosterone as requiring therapy?

I mean, it’s not like bearded, beer-swilling, bikers are the only ones not laughing at NYT’s psedo-satire pieces.

“Our society is neutering boys of their maleness at a young age.” That according to “dissident feminist” Camille Paglia in her interview with the Wall Street Journal.

…attempts to deny the biological distinctions between men and women is to blame for the much that is wrong with modern society. ‘What you’re seeing is how a civilization commits suicide’ [Paglia] told the Wall Street Journal.

Clearly, Paglia isn’t sufficiently juiced. Either that or she’s just not as “sophisticated” as today’s “modern man” (is that sexist?). Whatever the case, it’s good knowing that others aren’t part of the “suicide” of civilization.

An upside of the aforementioned online incident was the revelation of an emerging journalistic technique — write about a controversial subject, hew close enough to the truth, and when challenged laugh it off as satire. This does two things: It stealthily logs your point (with tongue in cheek) and shames detractors. Makes me wonder if this isn’t some new evolutionary defense mechanism arising in the new generation of the fluoride poisoned. You know, sort of like that pretty red hourglass on the belly of some arachnids.

Sadly, I’m with Adam Corolla on this, In Fifty Years We’ll All Be Chicks. Of course, I’m hoping to remain one of the dissidents. One of those humorless, unsophisticated, UNmodern men striving for XXL Masculinity, who “does not understand satire,” has “poor reading comprehension skills,” is deeply phobic of pink, and still believes that having to guess if something is satire, pretty much means it’s close enough to the truth to not have to ask.

So go ahead, call me a knuckle dragger. At least I’m fluoride free.